The sun is out, the evenings are longer, another Premier League season is coming to a close and three words have re-entered the footballing lexicon, as they always do at this time of year: on the beach.
Essentially, it means that a team with nothing left to play for is busy thinking about their holidays rather than approaching the last few games with their usual intensity.
You probably know the feeling yourself, whether from working out your notice period at a particularly soul-crushing job or from spending the last day of the school year playing Hungry Hippos.
Premier League football is a slightly different beast given these are professional athletes in one of elite sport’s most demanding arenas.
You do not want the tens of thousands of fans inside the ground questioning your attitude and application — much less millions more on social media — at any point of the season. There is the not-insignificant sum of around £3.1million ($3.9m) in prize money at stake for every league position, too.
But these players are mere flawed human beings like us, liable to phone it in at times if they can get away with it. Heading into this weekend, eight top-flight sides could be said to have next to nothing to play for from their remaining two or three fixtures. And sometimes, you can tell.
It can be a liberating experience. A time to let the shackles off, experiment with team selections and tactics, and generally play with a sense of abandon.
Or it can be a time to question the very purpose of football when nothing is on the line. Why chase that loose ball? Why track that runner? Why not metaphorically apply the factor 30 and bask in the sunshine of a safe, solid and largely unspectacular season?
The Athletic watched all eight Premier League sides safely placed in mid-table this weekend to see if they had already laid their towels out…
Bournemouth (lost 2-1 to Brentford)
Bournemouth completed their 2023-24 home duties with a strange defeat to Brentford where all three goals came after the 85th minute. The match certainly had many of the elements of an on-the-beach encounter: blazing sun, fans watching on with their hands above their eyes, precisely no one worrying about how the live league table was looking.
But Andoni Iraola does not look like the sort of manager who ever accepts relaxation — he picked up a yellow card in the first half after persistently complaining about a Dominic Solanke goal that had been overturned by VAR for a handball earlier in the move. It wasn’t one of his side’s best displays of the season, but not for the want of trying.
By the numbers: A town that is quite literally on a beach saw its football club lose its final home game for the fourth time in the last five seasons.
Andoni Iraola: reliably intense (Robin Jones/AFC Bournemouth via Getty Images)
Brentford (beat Bournemouth 2-1)
Just having the opportunity of being beach-adjacent with two games to go was a positive for Brentford after a spring of relegation fears, but Thomas Frank’s side have negotiated the season’s conclusion expertly: this was their third win in the last five games and one that came via their latest winning goal in a Premier League game since Ivan Toney’s famous winner at Manchester City in November 2022.
Of course, being on the beach can manifest itself in myriad ways and it’s possible Brentford would not have pushed for that late winner if securing a point had been vital in the battle against relegation.
By the numbers: 22 per cent of Brentford’s goals in the closing five minutes of games this season came in Saturday’s match with Bournemouth.
Brighton (drew 1-1 with Newcastle)
It was Brighton’s longest journey of the season, but they got Sussex beach weather up in Newcastle. It was all set up for Roberto De Zerbi’s side to have the flip-flops on, but that surely occurred in the previous away game along the south coast at Bournemouth (where they lost 3-0), not this one.
Against a side chasing three points for European qualification, Brighton were good value for their draw.
By the numbers: A committed display from Brighton saw them concede their second-highest number of fouls in a Premier League away game this season (16).
Joel Veltman celebrates scoring Brighton’s goal at St James’ Park (George Wood/Getty Images)
Crystal Palace (won 3-1 at Wolves)
Compared to the high standards of the preceding five games, Crystal Palace’s start at Molineux had on-the-beach vibes, but that is a very high bar. After a slow start, they burst into life and found their rhythm, led by the triple threat of Michael Olise, Eberechi Eze and Jean-Philippe Mateta.
Right now, Eberechi Eze is more likely to be on the plane than on the beach (Naomi Baker/Getty Images)
Oliver Glasner was never going to accept anything other than full commitment and that is what he was given in this 3-1 over Wolverhampton Wanderers, even if the overall performance was a little more disjointed than it has been lately.
By the numbers: Palace’s total of 2.7 expected goals was their highest in a Premier League away game since playing Leeds in April 2023.
Everton (beat Sheffield United 1-0)
Everton on the beach? Fat chance with Sean Dyche in charge. This was a fractious game that threatened to boil over when Jack Robinson pushed Dominic Calvert-Lewin, sparking a melee. Dyche was constantly cajoling his players to keep pressing and one late covering tackle from Idrissa Gueye earned applause.
But with safety secured, there was a more relaxed atmosphere than for other recent Goodison Park finales. Everton had more of the ball and played some decent football, particularly in the build-up to Abdoulaye Doucoure’s winner. Against already-relegated Sheffield United, there was never a need to put their foot on the accelerator again.
By the numbers: 84 per cent equalled Everton’s best pass-completion rate in any Premier League game this season.
Fulham (lost 4-0 to Manchester City)
Kite flying and fishing on social media before a big game? Followed by a 4-0 defeat? On the face of it, Fulham screamed on the beach this week, but their performance on Saturday painted a different picture despite the scoreline.
Marco Silva’s side worked tirelessly to keep City relatively quiet for more than an hour, sticking religiously to their defensive mid-block, only for City to overpower them with their imperial dominance as fatigue set in.
As tempting as it may have been, there were no beach balls or flip-flops on show at Craven Cottage.
By the numbers: Fulham may have had only one shot on target — but that is one more than in four of the run of 16 consecutive defeats to City.
West Ham United (beat Luton 3-1)
The home side certainly played like they were thinking of their summer during the first half against Luton Town. They were booed off the field by their fans at half-time but improved significantly after the interval, playing with urgency and confidence, which led to a 3-1 win.
The players wanted to secure victory for David Moyes in his final home game as manager and eventually did so. From demob-happy to dutiful employees in the space of 90 minutes.
George Earthy celebrates scoring his first-ever Premier League goal (Alex Davidson/Getty Images)
By the numbers: West Ham’s second-half totals for shots on target (seven), big chances (five) and expected goals (2.63) were all seasonal highs.
Wolves (lost 3-1 to Crystal Palace)
Not for the first time in recent weeks, Wolves produced a spell of play — most of the first half — that hinted at floral shirts and cocktails. There was a lack of intensity and carelessness in possession in Gary O’Neil’s side that was very much at odds with earlier in the season.
But they did drag themselves off the loungers for the second half and at least produced more urgency — even if it was not enough to turn around the game — so perhaps that first 45 minutes was not entirely due to holiday daydreaming.
By the numbers: Wolves gave up 1.62 expected goals in the first half — the third-highest total in any of their Premier League games this season.
Wolves boss Gary O’Neil hurrying things along (Andrew Kearns – CameraSport via Getty Images)
Reporting by Mark Critchley, Andy Naylor, Matt Woosnam, Patrick Boyland, Peter Rutzler, Roshane Thomas, Steve Madeley and Duncan Alexander
(Top photo: Charlie Crowhurst/Getty Images)
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