Stardust being sprinkled on unfashionable football clubs is commonplace nowadays. There’s Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney at Wrexham, Robbie Williams at Port Vale, Tom Brady at Birmingham and a mooted Boyzone-Westlife collaboration at Chorley FC.
But another may have flown under your radar.
Welcome to… Chesham United. They are a seventh-tier side with a link to a TV show that’s watched in nearly 100 countries: Taskmaster.
The Emmy-nominated, BAFTA-winning comedy entertainment quiz — featuring a panel of comedians set a series of tasks — is one of the UK’s biggest recent TV exports. Its architect and co-star Alex Horne is famous (in the show) for his prefix ‘little’. He’s not — he’s 6ft 2in (188cm).
Horne, 45, became a director of Chesham United — one of nine — in 2022. The club’s ground, The Meadow, is five minutes from his home.
“The chairman Peter Brown asked me and I jumped at the chance,” Horne tells The Athletic. “I didn’t really know what it meant, but I had to be declared a fit and proper person. I’ve never really had a job where you have to be serious, but I quite enjoy it.”
This season — the first of an official shirt partnership with Taskmaster — has been the Buckinghamshire market town side’s most successful for over two decades. They’re 12 points clear at the top of the Southern Premier Division South, with 10 games to go, and have won 10 of their past 12 matches.
The Meadow, Chesham United’s ground (Adam Leventhal)
The majority of the team, led by joint-managers James Duncan and Michael Murray, have other professions. Ryan Upward, who scored an overhead kick in a recent 4-0 win against Swindon Supermarine, is a window cleaner. Captain Steve Brown is an electrician. Star striker Ricardo German, who dropped down from League Two side Crawley Town, has scored 30 goals and provided 10 assists.
✈️ RYAN AIR
A couple of different angles of yesterday’s fantastic fourth goal from Ryan Upward against @SupermarineFC
Pretty sure that’s the @SouthernLeague1 Goal of the Week (and probably Month) decided already? https://t.co/YbyYT7KJlh pic.twitter.com/gtC7Zf5pTq
— Chesham United FC (@cheshamutdfc) February 11, 2024
“One word we’re not allowed to say in the board room is the P word,” Horne says. “It’s been fascinating to see the inner workings. It’s been eye-opening how committed they are. They probably don’t get the credit they deserve.”
Promotion, although a banned word, is Horne’s specialist subject. “My role is to raise the profile of the club,” he says, sitting in the Chess Suite — named after the nearby chalk river — where he’ll perform a sell-out gig with his musical-comedy band The Horne Section on Friday. “I’d be embarrassed to put my name to something and then just sit back and do nothing.”
Shirt sales have been one of the money-spinners. Last year, the club only sold 30. This year — thanks to the global reach of Taskmaster, which appears on the home, away and third strips — there’s been an increase in sales to 1,200. It’s meant a £20,000 ($25,372) profit.
“We sell the shirts in the club shop and website but also on Taskmaster’s site,” says Horne. “The club takes all the profits. We don’t take anything from it. The production company Avalon have been great and understanding. It’s not a bad thing to be involved in a non-League side.”
Horne signed a batch of shirts with the Taskmaster himself, Greg Davies, who features on a couple of advertising boards at the ground. It all helps bring new eyes to an unlikely location. “People buy them who may not be interested in football. They’ve become a weird collector’s item,” says Horne.
“He’s publicised the club to a level that we’ve never seen before,” says Peter Brown, Chesham’s chairman. “This is the States, Europe, Australia, New Zealand. Everyone’s buying Chesham United shirts because of Taskmaster, because it’s Alex Horne. He’s such a likeable chap. He gets on and does things so quietly.”
Making the FA Cup first round boosted Chesham’s coffers by another £45,000 ($57,000 at today’s rates) thanks to a 3,000 sell-out against sixth-tier Maidstone, who won 2-0.
Chesham are not the only team with famous sponsors in the division. Horne says: “Recently we played Margate and it was The Libertines (their rock band sponsor) versus Taskmaster. It was the showbiz match, we won.”
Horne started going to Chesham 20 years ago with his wife Rachel. Now their three sons — who play for the club’s youth sides — and dog Loky come too.
Horne prefers to stand on the terraces rather than take up his seat in the modest director’s box. “It’s like Newcastle on the way to the ground nowadays, with the amount of people. Football is fine margins, and it’s helped with unity between fans and players.”
Alex Horne on Taskmaster (Taskmaster)
Chesham hope to be in the National League South — England’s sixth tier — next season. That level is the highest they have reached since forming in 1917 when Chesham Town and Chesham Generals merged.
“The team is top of the table, but the town has fallen in love again,” says Chesham resident and United fan Mike Parkin. “Alex’s involvement has undoubtedly helped with that. He’s genuine and invested in the team.”
Chesham did win the sixth tier in 1992-93 but didn’t meet ground specifications, so were denied promotion. Former Liverpool defender Mark Lawrenson was part of the squad that year. His Anfield team-mate Bruce Grobbelaar joined in 1998. Both were Horne’s heroes growing up.
“I just picked the best team to support and I’m slightly embarrassed about that,” he says. “It’s why I’ve thrown myself into this because I can properly say it’s my club. I can walk to it. It’s good to support your local club.”
Now Chesham welcome far-flung fans themselves. Recent visitors to The Meadow — 25 miles north west of London at the end of the Metropolitan underground line — have travelled from Houston and California. Horne says with a smile: “We probably get someone once a month coming from America.”
Series two contestant Richard Osman outlined Taskmaster’s reach in a recent message to Horne. “I’m on a book tour in the U.S., and I have to tell you the insane amount of people who know me from Taskmaster. Then a week later, I’m in India and it’s exactly the same — it’s a global behemoth.”
Horne smiles and says: “That’s the best sort of message to get. If any of that can rub off on Chesham United, then that’s brilliant.”
He’s experienced the reach of the show first-hand too. “We went to Canada this summer and I got stopped a fair bit, it’s all helped by the shows we put on YouTube during lockdown,” he says. The stats are significant: Taskmaster has 1.4million YouTube subscribers, of which more than 30 per cent are from North America, with 650million views and 9.3billion impressions on the platform.
“It’s got a global reach, but I don’t get mobbed,” he smiles. “It’s just the odd, polite nerd who comes up and says ‘Hello’.”
Wrexham executive director Humphrey Ker is a friend from the comedy circuit. So could Taskmaster’s influence have an equally uplifting influence on Chesham, as Rob and Ryan have had in Wales?
“It comes up quite a lot,” Horne says, before pausing. “It’s quite annoying, though. I’m a big fan of the programme and find what they’re doing really good — but they put in millions of pounds. This is not that. Also, they are a sleeping giant.”
Chesham is an altogether more humble proposition. They’ve turned over around £300,000 per year up until this year, but are largely self-funding. The wage bill — including bonuses — for their 18-man squad is under £4,000 per week. Get a crowd of 400 and it’s break-even. This season’s success has seen the average jump 75 per cent to 700.
“Instead of just saying, ‘Here’s a million pounds’ — which I couldn’t afford to do — it’s more about contributing to things where all the money goes to the club, so that’s suddenly thousands of pounds,” he says. “The aim isn’t really to get into the Football League, it’s about making Chesham a more fun place, which it is at the moment. It’s about being a fully functioning football club that’s part of the community. That’s the positive thing.”
Nevertheless, there are Wrexham-related plans in the pipeline.
“Humphrey said, if I need anything, just ask,” he says. “We’re going to a game in a box there in March and I’m so excited.”
It means a potential meeting with the American and Canadian owners. “I’m taking the kids and I haven’t said that it’s possible yet, as we don’t know if they’ll be there. It’d be great if they were.”
Ker played in last year’s charity game at The Meadow. The next target is to get him to bring the Wrexham first team. “I would love to do a pre-season warm-up game.”
As with Wrexham, Chesham are proud of their women’s team. They play in the fourth tier of the pyramid with more established names such as Norwich City, Queens Park Rangers and AFC Wimbledon.
The stronger link between Chesham United and Horne stemmed from a Taskmaster book five years ago. Readers were challenged to meet in a certain location — nearby Lowndes Park — on a specific date. “Around 2,000 people turned up. We walked down the hill to watch a game,” he says. “We were groundsharing with Aylesbury at the time. They didn’t have enough security so we were told to leave.”
The seed was planted: “I said, ‘Next time let’s do this properly and make some money for the club’.”
Now there are annual Horne-driven events at the ground, boasting sell-out 3,000-strong crowds, including celebrity matches with a Taskmaster twist. “It’s our take on football, so we have our own rules,” he explains. “Goalkeepers have to go up for corners. We have two balls on the pitch for five minutes every half.”
Games have previously started, rather than climaxed with a penalty shootout, “Because everyone loves them,” he says.
If fouled in the box, you’re obliged to take the penalty, but not if it’s handball. “The goalkeeper has to take it because they’re the only ones who use their hands.”
Horne in the home dressing room — and the Taskmaster branded shirt (Adam Leventhal)
You can’t be offside if you’re off the pitch, “So you can sneak up the side or behind the goal.”
This year’s game in May will have an innovation: “Managers will be stationed in the centre circle because it’ll be fun to see them in the middle of the action.”
By that time, another Horne project should be completed. “Right now, our sound system just points directly out onto the pitch,” he explains. “At the last charity match, (comedian) Aisling Bea was commentating and only the players could hear her.”
In the shorter term, Chesham hope this season’s kit will keep selling until the climax of the campaign. Next season’s shirt — released in April — is set to include the Taskmaster logo again. The only thing they don’t know is which league badges will come with it.
Whatever happens, Horne will be there. “It’s still really exciting to just be at football grounds, but now it comes with pride and memories.”
(Top photos: Adam Leventhal and Taskmaster)
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