Here at The Athletic, we love in-depth, serious journalism. But we’re not above a little bit of fun.
Of course we’ve written proper reviews for lots of Premier League clubs, but what if you just don’t have the time to read them all?
Here, we review every club’s 2023-24 season in 23-24 words.
Arsenal
A more measured Arsenal paced their charge this time and blossomed in new year, only to be reminded that nearly perfect is not enough.
Jordan Campbell
Aston Villa
Aston Villa reached the Champions League with a no-excuse mentality, quality and elite coaching, lasting the course despite injuries, frenzied schedules and hunting packs.
Jacob Tanswell
Bournemouth
Andoni Iraola overhauled the playing style, more innovative and exciting, with the club wanting to be led into a high-pressing, productive new era.
Jacob Tanswell
Brentford
Patiently waited for Toney’s return but an injury crisis meant a top-half finish was unlikely to happen and survival became the main aim.
Jay Harris
Brighton
It started well, ended badly. Brighton’s season will be remembered for Europa League group success before eventually parting company with Roberto De Zerbi.
Andy Naylor
Burnley
A season over before it had really begun. Poor recruitment, tactical naivety and a lack of quality cost Burnley on their Premier League return.
Andrew Jones
Chelsea
Like an English summer barbecue, it took a while for things to start cooking but it was worth seeing out until the end.
Simon Johnson
Crystal Palace
Another topsy-turvy season with familiar optimism fading into genuine fear of relegation before the mood flipped to dreaming of Europe next season.
Matt Woosnam
Everton
A daining, turbulent season where Everton were besieged by off-field problems, including two points deductions, but managed to survive with three games to spare.
Patrick Boyland
Fulham
Beat Arsenal one week, lose to Burnley the next. Fulham have reached peak mid-table. But after losing Mitrovic, that suits them just fine.
Peter Rutzler
Liverpool
A season that began with top-four aims became an ambitious quadruple pursuit and the final campaign of the club’s greatest modern manager.
Andrew Jones
Luton Town
Luton proved everyone wrong. They didn’t survive but they did give it everything. Rob Edwards led by example and his team did him proud.
Caoimhe O’Neill
Manchester City
Relentless. Charges. Hunger. Inevitable. Rice. Jeopardy. Palace. Rodri. Villa. Jeddah. Control. Klopp. Bobb. 115. Pausa. Foden. Middle. Luton. Son. Ortega. Champions. Four. Pep.
Sam Lee
Man Utd
An unprecedented injury crisis meant Erik ten Hag’s plan to create “the best transition team in the world”, decayed into a frustrating transitional season.
Carl Anka
Newcastle United
Epic, painful, long, brilliant, highs, lows, PSG, PSR, draining, betting, gardening leave, injuries, Isak, Sunderland, mitigation, away form, emotional, progress, seventh, knackered, Europe?
George Caulkin
Nottingham Forest
A fond farewell. PSR hell. ‘F*** VAR’. Nuno, Nuno, Nuno. So close Murillo. A Gibbs-White pirouette. Safety secured. Waka-Waka. Oh City Ground…
Paul Taylor
Sheffield United
Beaten before a ball was kicked after selling their two best players. Paul Heckingbottom and Chris Wilder stood no chance. Thank God it’s over.
Richard Sutcliffe
Tottenham Hotspur
Top of the table after 10 games, fans started asking, “Could we?” They couldn’t. Suspensions, injuries, bad form soon got in the way.
Charlie Eccleshare
West Ham United
David Moyes’ successful four-and-a-half-year spell has come to an end. Huge pressure on Julen Lopetegui to justify his appointment.
Roshane Thomas
Wolverhampton Wanderers
Fun, entertaining, a little surprising, successful well beyond expectations and highly encouraging for fans, but ultimately a tale of what might have been.
Steve Madeley
(Top photos: Getty Images)
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