England at Euro 2024? It’s (insert year here) all over again

This should have been the lasting image of England in 2024.

In the 87th minute, with England 1-0 down to Slovakia, Jordan Pickford caught a shot. He sprinted to the edge of the area, desperate to relaunch the attack. In front of him were 10 players, and they were walking.

Pickford blew up, gesticulating, shouting, imploring. This was a losing jockey without a whip, and the finish line was fast approaching. England were without drive, without desperation, and they were frankly without hope.

Really, this was England’s 2016 Euros exit to Iceland, slouching to Gelsenkirchen to be reborn.

Declan Rice had hit the post. Harry Kane had headed wide from seven yards. To describe these two moments in too much detail would give a false impression of the game. England were not hammering on Slovakia’s door, they looked like bored teenagers who couldn’t even be tempted to play knock-knock ginger. They did not have a shot on target until the 95th minute.

For over an hour after Ivan Schranz’s opener, it looked as if humiliations to Iceland and Slovakia would bookend Gareth Southgate’s reign. Eight years ago, Roy Hodgson did not even want to do the post-match press conference. Southgate is too adept to take that drastic step, but the eventual outcome would have been the same.

But, of course, this wasn’t England in 2016.

This was England in 1990, dug into a hole, and hauling themselves out with an invisible rope. England were miserable against Belgium in that year’s World Cup last-16: staid, turgid, and unable to score.

Then came a looping ball, a spin and a volley. Back then, it was David Platt wheeling away with a silly grin on his face, a mix of incredulity at the goal, the moment, and his own sheer brilliance.

It was different with Jude Bellingham in 2024. For one thing, this was England facing elimination, not needing a winner to take them through. And when the opportunity for the bicycle kick arose, it wasn’t the chance for a moment of majesty; it was the moment to do what should be done, because this is Jude Bellingham and this is nothing but normal to him now.

“Who else,” he shouted, and as much as that possibly revealed an insight to be unpacked into the social cohesion of this England squad, the reality is that he knows that we know that he is right.

Bellingham was the reason why this wasn’t England in 2016. But as he sprinted away with grim relief, this also felt different, it felt new, because this wasn’t England in 1990 either.

For 89 minutes, this felt like a team who shared more with England in 2006: a team of superb talents, forced into a system that did not fit them. They played in Gelsenkirchen back then, exiting to Portugal on penalties in a game where it felt like they could have been so much more, talents crowbarred into a cage.

Now, it is easy to be frustrated at Kieran Trippier, particularly when he cuts inside, launches England’s best chance of the first half vertically upwards, cuts inside again, plays a poor pass after three minutes which gets Marc Guehi booked, and cuts inside for a third time.

But it should be easy to feel sorry for Trippier, because he did not ask to play left-back, and did not select a patently unfit player as first-choice. If ordered to play there — as he did so well in Euro 2020 — he will give it a go, even if his legs are going and they cannot strike the ball as cleanly as they once did.

Ahead of him, Phil Foden was better than in previous matches but still looked like a boy banned from playing with his friends. At points, it felt as if the entire team were in on this collective punishment. John Stones had several opportunities to find him between the lines, with Foden drifting centrally, but his Manchester City team-mate refused to give him his turn with the ball.

And in this sense, it wasn’t just the England of 2006, but the England of 1872, the country’s first-ever international.

Put into a white shirt, these looked like players who had never played together before. At times, they even looked like players who, having met, did not particularly like each other. There was even, dare it be said, a flavour of France at the 2010 World Cup.

As England struggled to progress the ball upfield against Slovakia, this was a team filled with shrugs and complaints. There was Stones, gesturing at his lack of midfield runners. (Foden was there). Cole Palmer, newly on and dancing, but lacking any partner — so he held out his arms and waited.

Trippoer has struggled at left-back – but is being played out of position (Patricia de Melo MoreiraAFP via Getty Images)

The body language from virtually the entire squad was terrible. If there had been a way to harness the energy exhaled during England’s frustrations, it probably could have brought the green transition forward by a decade or more.

But ultimately, this was not France in 2010. That team, beset by difficulty, crashed out in the group stages — England are still just about there. And why? Tactics borrowed from England in 1954.

With Ivan Toney on, big men were back. The Brentford striker did his best Nat Lofthouse impression for two minutes of normal time and all 30 of those minutes added on. England were launching long throws into the box, Toney was backing into players and causing chaos. Look at how he took out Norbert Gyomber. That was what created a channel for Bellingham.

One minute into added time — another goal straight out of the era of rationing. Palmer delivered an inswinger, a new invention at that time, Martin Dubravka punched clear, and Eberechi Eze mishit his shot back into the box. Those leather balls have a small sweet spot. Ultimately, it was Toney who delivered the cushioned header — and England’s captain leapt in at the far post. A narrativeless way of looking at England’s comeback? A long throw, a set piece and a scrap.

This was an England of many Englands. Other contenders? Graham Taylor’s England of 1993, where a good man was going to have to walk, but it looked like he’d had enough anyway. An England of 1982, who exited the World Cup with two 0-0 draws of such deathly nothingness that they have virtually been forgotten. That unloved England of 2010, because they had their fans booing them. The mood felt toxic after 85 minutes.

But ultimately, this is still the England that began in 2018… just. The personnel are clinging on. Southgate has more grey in his beard, lines on his forehead, and voices telling him he should go. There is still a little of that belief that he introduced six years ago — because what other England team has ever scored a last-minute goal to stay in a major tournament?

In 2024, this England may look ordinary. But there is only one side left to evoke. The England that won a major tournament. Fifty-eight years on, a dozen other Englands combined to preserve the faintest of chances that they could be.

(Top photo: Patricia a de melo moreira/AFP via Getty Images)