Welcome to the fifth edition of Row Z, our weekly column on The Athletic shining a light on the bonkers side of the game.
From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the game we all love…
Football rivalry petulance is something we can all get behind, but it usually involves two clubs, fanbases or managers who don’t like each other (more of that later). But players? That’s a bit more unusual, particularly when the rivalry crosses leagues and continents, and when the players in question haven’t shared a pitch during a competitive match for years.
We’re talking here about Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi, an individual battle for world domination and supremacy that one of the pair seems to take slightly more seriously than the other.
It was only last week that Ronaldo claimed he wasn’t bothered about winning a World Cup, as winning a European Championship means just as much. And this week? His club Al Nassr published a read-it-to-believe-it statement after someone apparently disrespected Ronaldo during a tour of the club’s stadium.
A YouTuber, while sitting in Ronaldo’s seat in the dressing room, recreated Messi’s pose from 2022 when he cupped his ears towards Netherlands boss Louis van Gaal.
Lionel Messi makes his point to Louis van Gaal in Qatar (Franck Fife/AFP via Getty Images)
Cue outrage. Abu Omar apologised but Al Nassr weren’t having it.
“We would like to point out that Al Nassr has always been welcoming to its visitors, fans and lovers, and throughout its long history its doors have been open to all,” the Saudi Pro League club said in a statement.
“However, what happened yesterday inside the dressing room in terms of individual (irresponsible) actions is unacceptable by some people who do not appreciate the value of the party they represent, nor the place and entity that left it.
“They did not respect its fans. We would like to clarify that we at Al Nassr have directed the concerned internal departments to immediately address the issue to preserve the club’s literary, moral and material rights, with full assurance that the club’s doors and all its facilities are open to every fan as long as they comply.”
Opposition fans in Saudi Arabia regularly taunt Ronaldo by chanting Messi’s name, something the Portugal international has always taken with grace and composure.
Anyway, Al Nassr need to update the T’s and C’s section on their website.
Are umbrellas allowed in the stadium? Yes, absolutely, but portable power banks and impressions of Lionel Messi are banned.
Chelsea fans breathed a sigh of relief last week as the club secured the future of striker Nicolas Jackson, the 23-year-old striker who moved to Stamford Bridge just a year ago.
The clock was ticking: Jackson’s previous deal was due to expire in 2031, but Chelsea’s enterprising, forward-thinking bosses moved quickly to ward off suitors who could have signed him on a free in seven years by tying him down until 2033.
Never change, Chelsea, never change.
Tenuous commentary link of the week came from Sky Sports’ coverage of Wolverhampton Wanderers vs Newcastle United on Sunday afternoon.
Commentator Bill Leslie was so determined to point out that Newcastle are enduring a bit of upheaval lately that he came up with this doozy.
“So Newcastle are in their change kit today, appropriate given that matters off the field there appear to be far from black and white.”
Talking of commentary, Mark ‘Clatts’ Clattenburg took us beyond the fourth wall of refereeing during Liverpool’s victory over AC Milan in the Champions League.
“He needs to calm the crowd down,” Clattenburg opined on Amazon Prime after Norwegian referee Espen Eskas had enraged Milan supporters by awarding a couple of decisions Liverpool’s way. “They’re putting pressure on him. The referee just needs to give one or two small fouls to get the judgement back.”
Two minutes later, right on cue, Milan were given a pretty soft free kick.
“Is that the one you’re on about there Mark, just to calm things down?” Alan Shearer queried the Gladiators game show star.
“Yeah, he had to balance it up, because Milan will get upset,” Clattenburg replied. “One or two small things he’s just let go, now he gives that one foul and it just calms the players down.”
Mark Clattenburg – friend of referees (Mike Egerton/PA Images via Getty Images)
Game management, referee-style.
The remarks were reminiscent of those made last year by another referee who hasn’t courted fame since retirement, Mike ‘Deano’ Dean.
Dean told the Up Front podcast that, when he was on VAR duty for Chelsea’s 2-2 draw with Tottenham Hotspur in 2022, he failed to correct a mistake from referee Anthony Taylor.
Cristian Romero had pulled Marc Cucurella’s hair in the Chelsea penalty area, but Dean said on the pod: “I didn’t want to send him up (to view the incident on the screen) because he is a mate as well as a referee and I didn’t want any more grief than he already had.”
In a weird way, Clatts and Deano are enhancing the reputations of the refereeing fraternity. When a blatantly incorrect decision goes against your team this weekend, just think, it might not be due to sheer and utter incompetence.
Unemployment rates may be falling in Stoke-on-Trent but the local football team are doing everything they can to change that.
This week, Stoke City sacked yet another head coach, with Steven Schumacher relieved of his duties nine months into a three-and-a-half-year contract and five games into the Championship season. Lying in 13th, Stoke have won two games and lost three.
The club moved quickly to appoint Norwich City first-team coach Narcis Pelach on an optimistic three-year contract. Pelach becomes Stoke’s seventh boss (not including caretakers) in six years after only two in the 12 years before that.
Steven Schumacher did not last long at Stoke (George Wood/Getty Images)
Pelach’s coaching pedigree is impressive but he’s definitely in the “you fear for him” category if he doesn’t get it right quickly.
Still, sporting director Jon Walters is convinced Stoke have made the right appointment, saying: “Narcis is one of the most respected and sought-after coaches around.”
But wait, did chairman John Coates say this when Schumacher was appointed in December? “We are delighted to welcome Steven, who we firmly believe to be one of the most exciting young coaches in the country.”
Yes, yes he did. Hmm.
There was more long-term thinking in Italy this week with Roma.
“We couldn’t be happier to build a long-term project with Daniele,” Roma said when announcing a new three-year contract for head coach Daniele De Rossi in April that was formalised on June 25.
And 85 days later? “Roma announces that it has relieved Daniele De Rossi of his role as head coach of the first team.”
Big sponsorship news, with Birmingham City announcing they have made Delta Air Lines their Official Airline Partner (as usual, their capitals, not ours).
On Row Z, we’ve pointed out some tenuous partnerships in recent weeks — clubs joining forces with specialists in yoghurts, air ventilation, tyres and even international payments and remittance — and the corny statements that accompany the announcements.
But Delta Air Lines? It is absolutely massive and very professional, surely it won’t put its name to some feeble corporate nonsense?
Hang on a sec, we’ve just been handed the official press release.
“Delta and Birmingham City will work together on storytelling opportunities that demonstrate the club’s climb, surprising and delighting football fans around the world, bringing them ever closer together.”
Maybe not.
Robin van Persie has ventured into management for the first time with Dutch side Heerenveen and, to be honest, it’s not going great.
In his fourth match at the weekend, they lost 9-1 — not to PSV Eindhoven, not to Ajax, but to AZ Alkmaar.
Robin van Persie — not on cloud nine at Heerenveen (Olaf Kraak/ANP/AFP via Getty Images)
It’s the first time Heerenveen have conceded nine goals in a league match.
“We’ll keep playing our own game,” Van Persie insisted. Maybe try someone else’s?
We end with a tweet contrast that every football fan can get behind.
AFC Wimbledon diddled MK Dons 3-0 last weekend and, for a club that can barely bring itself to even mention the name of Wimbledon, the goals were difficult moments for MK Dons’ admin team to approach.
They kept it simple. Here’s Wimbledon’s second goal, tweeted by the respective clubs. Glorious.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!! HFKRORNGIEKSNDJEKEJSJEJE!!!!!!#AFCW 🟡🔵 pic.twitter.com/xkDADI6UFe
— AFC Wimbledon (@AFCWimbledon) September 14, 2024
89: Goal.
🔵 2-0 ⚪️ | #COYD
— Milton Keynes Dons (@MKDonsFC) September 14, 2024
(Top photo: PSG via Getty Images)
Read the full article here